Cover of Chris FarleyI am always feeling like being "good" is a chore instead of a joy. I can go so long and then I get a "wild hair" to have some fun. Which for me usually means over-doing food and/or alcohol and making an idiot of myself for the amusement of others--- which usually is very fulfilling at the time (I call this whole ritual "pulling a Chris Farley"). I love being social and center of attention. I will say a lot of dumb stuff to get a laugh. I always wonder why I feel the need to go a little crazy and get loud and obnoxious. I know that I have accepted Jesus into my heart and spirit-- sometimes when I know better I ignore the sensible direction and say "let's get out of the house and have some fun". I have to say most of my shenanigans are harmless, but I know my respect level sinks a notch or two every time I have had a few too many. It is a cycle that I very much want to put to an end. I feel the need to find a way to "have fun" and not have to go out and over-do alcohol to fill up whatever emptiness I am feeling. My struggle intensified approx. 2 years ago and this makes me wonder if it does not have something to do with problems in my marriage. I will not utter the words here in this forum but you smart individuals will figure out the jest when I say I was wronged -- really done wrong! Enough said. This plus my children are growing up and do not seem to need or frankly want me very much (inevitable but still painful). Now on top of that I feel like living a Christian lifestyle seems so boring! I cannot come up with anything fun about doing chores and sitting at home by myself -- or even going shopping or any other mundane activity. This is a problem that I want to start to attack by meditating on the following 3 scriptures -
Romans 12: 1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good pleasing perfect will.
& 1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Excerpt from Christian Lifestyle.com
When we truly practice a Christian lifestyle, the inward evidence becomes obvious. God’s glory and power pours out upon all those around us. Our faith in the midst of turmoil flows from a heart given to a loving Father. Every breath carries words of compassion and affirmation to a hurting world. Those who live the Christian lifestyle live a confident life on the inside and outside.
“This High Priest [Jesus Christ] of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it” (Hebrews 4:15-16).
I'm in a similar place spiritually (with regards to boredom and acting out). I wish Christ would just take me out of this place of blah and make me something more than I am right now. I wish my desires were his desires. I sure could use a miracle. I sure could use some power over sin. I don't quite seem to be able to get my mind around this "Abundant Life" that I am supposed to be living as a Christian. Oh well, what's there to say...............
ReplyDeleteI get the "wishing Christ would just take me out of this place of blah" statement. I think we are probably not really doing all that God has equipped us to do. We are falling short, but it is so difficult to really know and do what we are here on Earth to do. Good luck to you Jimmy and I will mention you in my prayer time.
ReplyDelete