spirit: too much self-analysis results in a lack of peace

Image by Funky64 (www.lucarossato.com) via Flickr

Have you ever felt like you can't bare to look at yourself?
I mean really analyze your wants/desires and your actions or lack of resistance to the worldly pull that is everywhere?

Maybe that is a good thing --- Perhaps too much self-analysis can damage your self image!
 I have been on that track lately. I so desperately want to keep improving and moving in a positive direction that I think I am guilty of not enjoying the present moment or my
strengths.

Following excerpt from Joe Robinson author of "Don't Miss Your Life":
Direct experience gets you out of the thought factory and into the life-participant column, alive to the moment.



That's a good place to be, since most anxieties stem from the two tenses we're not in. Experiences are the nexus of Now, the choice of anyone who wants to make an immediate beeline to engaged presence. The road to life satisfaction runs straight through engagement, not status. It's not the money. It's not what's on the business card. It's not the popularity. It's the experience.




I want to start experiencing my life unapologetically!  The present moment and not feel bad about what I want or desire to do! I am ready to find some peace and stop causing my self to experience mind made problems.

Mind: Christian life seems so boring but...

Cover of Chris Farley

I am always feeling like being "good" is a chore instead of a joy. I can go so long and then I get a "wild hair" to have some fun. Which for me usually means over-doing food and/or alcohol and making an idiot of myself for the amusement of others--- which usually is very fulfilling at the time (I call this whole ritual "pulling a Chris Farley"). I love being social and center of attention. I will say a lot of dumb stuff to get a laugh. I always wonder why I feel the need to go a little crazy and get loud and obnoxious. I know that I have accepted Jesus into my heart and spirit-- sometimes when I know better I ignore the sensible direction and say "let's get out of the house and have some fun". I have to say most of my shenanigans are harmless, but I know my respect level sinks a notch or two every time I have had a few too many. It is a cycle that I very much want to put to an end. I feel the need to find a way to "have fun" and not have to go out and over-do alcohol to fill up whatever emptiness I am feeling. My struggle intensified approx. 2 years ago and this makes me wonder if it does not have something to do with problems in my marriage. I will not utter the words here in this forum but you smart individuals will figure out the jest when I say I  was wronged -- really done wrong!  Enough said. This plus my children are growing up and do not seem to need or frankly want me very much (inevitable but still painful). Now on top of that I feel like living a Christian lifestyle seems so boring! I cannot come up with anything fun about doing chores and sitting at home by myself -- or even going shopping or any other mundane activity. This is a problem that I want to start to attack by meditating on the following 3 scriptures -

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.

Romans 12: 1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good pleasing perfect will. 

& 1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Excerpt from Christian Lifestyle.com

When we truly practice a Christian lifestyle, the inward evidence becomes obvious. God’s glory and power pours out upon all those around us. Our faith in the midst of turmoil flows from a heart given to a loving Father. Every breath carries words of compassion and affirmation to a hurting world. Those who live the Christian lifestyle live a confident life on the inside and outside.

“This High Priest [Jesus Christ] of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it” (Hebrews 4:15-16).

Spirit- Move down the road away from regret

Image via Wikipedia

-regret and guilt
 Like guilt, regret involves  the sense that you could have and should have acted differently. They find, for example, that short-term regret is focused on things we did rather than did not do, whereas long-term regret shows the reverse pattern. Why do we feel regret in the first place, and should we?







Regret springs from the wish to undo an earlier decision. Why? Typically, we feel regret when-and because-we have obtained new information. I ate the ice cream at midnight. At 3 a.m. I threw up. At 3.05 a.m. I felt regret. I (feel I) know that I could have acted differently; I could have chosen the fragrant French herb salad as a late-night snack. Alas, I cannot undo an earlier decision. Time travel remains the stuff of science fiction. Regret is a form of hindsight.


From: (paraphrased)Forget Regret (psychologytoday.com)


Filled with regret today;
Regret and guilt do not seem to do anything positive for us.
These feelings weigh you down and make you consider yourself to be "less than".
I am sure that - just deciding to change and set about doing just that is what we should do when faced with regret.
I have to say, I do want to move forward and put the regret behind.
I am convinced that my weakness has to do with the emotional toll I have endured in the past year and 1/2. I have gone down a road of self-destruction at times and tried to pull myself out with several tools.
I have found myself reaching for the comforts of food and alcohol too often. 
I am hoping that expressing my regret and admitting truthfully that I am not living an abundant life but instead have fallen short too often will be motivational for you!
That is right motivational--
Because:

I am not giving up -- I am still looking for ways to build my self-control and relationship with Jesus.
I am writing in a journal, and currently reading/discussing the book The Shack. I am once again trying to commit to prayer and bible study time.
 
Regret is a feeling that has to be felt and absorbed as a message from your spirit to teach you not to make the same mistake again---- Then moved on from.....


Own it and then let it go and let God!

Spirit: God's Love

Spirit: Sometimes I feel like I pray and reach out to the Lord for comfort and can't seem to feel anything. I am really wanting something tangible (to feel arms around me or words of comfort). I have been stumped on how we are supposed to feel His Love. Then, one evening last week I read a statement in a book store (it was inside a little "mini" book) - that said something like: how do we know God really loves us? I flipped the pages and in my head, I know this is awful, but I was saying "yada yada yada" until I came to this one page that said -- He sends us flowers every spring!

I must confess I had a moment. Imagine ---- He, the wonderful creator and Heavenly Father, does in fact send US flowers every ----- every spring!!!!!!!!

You see sometimes we are not appreciating the way God shows us His Love. I am now trying to see the "gifts" that God gives me and I mean really see them as a tangible expression of Love!


My children are amazing miracles
My friends' and their sweet hugs and laughter
All my abilities and free will
My pets and their loving humerous ways
Music of the natural world and abilities given to fellow human beings to create music


Well, that's just it --- I am loving looking at the constructive, creative things that people can do--- with the perspective that God is in it and the precipitous to it all!

We are so Loved and God is merciful-- He renews our potential to be all that He wants us to be every morning!! God wants us to be an expression of His Love to others!

Image via Wikipedia

A poem to contemplate the love expressed to us daily:


           I Will Not Hurry
I will not hurry through this day!
Lord, I will listen by the way,
To humming bees and singing birds,
To speaking trees and friendly words;
And for the moments in between
Seek glimpses of Thy great Unseen.

I will not hurry through this day;
I will take time to think and pray;
I will look up into the sky,
Where fleecy clouds and swallows go by;
And somewhere in the day, maybe
I will catch whispers, Lord, from Thee!

                 -Ralph Spaulding Cushman