Image via WikipediaHave you ever let yourself down and acted so out of control that you barely recognize yourself? I have, and I am tired of "losing" it. My personal goal for this week is to be able to stay on track with my diet/exercise/bible study/prayer. I feel like I am split into 2 types of people, but this only convinces me more and more with each day that I need God to help me be the virtuous woman that He intends for me to be. The flesh is weak and my heart aches for transformation (mind.)
What I mean about 2 types of people is something akin to what Paul was referring to when declaring (paraphrased) I do not want to do what I do.
My problem is deeply rooted in having too big of an emphasis on "people". I want praise, attention, and adoration from others. I have always felt like there is an empty spot in my being that is based on the reality of feeling un-loved and unwanted.
The fact is God loves me and he wants me to be happy "just being" His child. God's love is really the only one that truly can be depended upon.
People can never give you enough to make you truly joyful.
Looking for love and fulfillment in alcoholic drinks won't work and causes others to lose respect for you.
Looking for love and fulfillment in food doesn't last very long and brings your view of yourself down.
Looking for love and fulfillment in others' opinions of you; will only result in dissappointing perceptions of you sometimes. Very inconsistent and so subjective.
What to do?
Look at life in a different way - Instead of always asking "what can I get out of life?" ask "what of my life can I give to serve the Lord?"
Excerpt from Virtuous Woman << Family Life ;The virtuous woman is a woman of strength. Though the weaker vessel, she is made strong by wisdom, grace and fear of God. Perhaps one reason for the rarity of a virtuous woman is that she is seldom sought. Too often the search is made for accomplishments and external qualities rather than for godly internal worth.
I have bought into the concept of being valued for the wrong things -- I am hoping my internal/external changes and growth will be consistent from this point forward.